Ways to Help Spot & Avoid Romance Scams

Romance scams are a common form of fraud that occur when scammers manipulate a person's emotions and trust to steal money and sensitive information. Today, many romance scams take place on social media.

Social media sites and dating apps have changed how we connect with others. As these platforms have evolved, so have the tactics of scammers looking to exploit genuine connections for personal gain.

So in an increasingly digital world, where online dating is a common way to meet potential new partners, how do you protect yourself?

Keep reading to learn ways to help spot and avoid romance scams so you can protect yourself and enjoy safer online interactions.

 

What Are Romance Scams?

Romance scams are a type of fraud that targets people looking for meaningful connections, especially on social media and dating apps. According to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), one in four people who lost money to fraud since 2021 said the scam began on social media. In fact, social media was the leading method of contact reported for scams, leading to reported losses of $2.7 billion in that timeframe.

Unfortunately, these scams can be difficult to spot, with fraudsters often hiding in plain sight and creating profiles that seem trustworthy and genuine.

That's because many social media platforms give scammers a ripe opportunity to target victims. They can quickly create fake personas or, in some cases, hack into real profiles to impersonate friends, acquaintances or family members.

By scanning information available in their targets' online profiles, scammers can pick up on interests, preferences and personal details that help them appear more relatable and trustworthy. Some even use tools designed for advertisers to reach specific age groups or interests, making it easy to identify millions of potential victims at little or no cost.

Online dating scams can affect all age groups, but the elderly can be especially vulnerable. Many older adults are less familiar with online best practices and may not recognize warning signs, making them more susceptible to elder fraud. Scammers will often target them due to their trust in new online connections and limited experience with social media security risks. 

 

Common Signs of Romance Scam 

Romance scammers typically use specific tactics to gain trust and manipulate their victims. Recognizing these behaviors can help you spot a scam and reject it before you become a victim.

Signs of a Fake Profile 

As more social media platforms and dating sites are launched, fake profiles have become increasingly common. In fact, in 2021 alone, Facebook removed over a billion fake profiles from its platform in just three months. But what are some red flags that you should consider?

Scammers will often create fake profiles using stolen or heavily edited photos to create an idealized image that seems trustworthy or appealing. After starting a conversation with you on a dating app or on social media, they’ll often try to move to text messaging, citing things like missed notifications, app issues or expiring memberships. Be wary: This is a way to get your phone number, which they may then use for phishing texts or other fraudulent purposes.

Here are a few common signs of a fake profile:

• Limited photos or overly polished images.
• Vague personal details with minimal background information.
• Quick declarations of love or intense emotions.
• Avoidance of video calls or in-person meetings.
• Eagerness to switch from the social media app to texting.

Common Romance Scam Phrases 

Scammers use specific language to build trust and create a sense of intimacy. They will flood you with compliments, praise and affectionate messages all throughout the day. This is known as “love bombing.”

The constant attention through love bombing is meant to create an illusion of a close romantic relationship, even though you’ve never met in person. When you suggest meeting, a scammer might come up with excuses like being deployed in the military or working in a remote area.

To understand love bombing, it can be helpful to know what phrases a scammer might use to accomp it.

Here are a few phrases that might be used during romance scams:

• “I feel like I’ve known you forever.”
• “You’re the only one who understands me.”
• “I can’t wait to start a life with you.”
• “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.”
• “I’d love to meet you, but I’m currently stationed overseas.”
• “I’m working on a project in a remote area with no internet access.”
• “Once this job is done, we’ll finally be together."

These phrases and variations on them can sound sincere but are typically used to build your trust and manipulate your emotions. While there's no specific phrase that is an instant sign of a romance scam, learning the signs of love bombing can help you steer clear of falling for one.

Signs of love bombing include:

• Excessive compliments.
• Overwhelming attention.
• Attempts to isolate someone from friends and family.
• Ignoring boundaries.
• Guilting the other party to manipulate them.
• Sharing or pushing for overly personal details.

Urgent Need for Money 

After building an online relationship, a romance scammer will eventually ask for money. They might say it’s needed for travel expenses to finally meet in person, for a medical emergency, or to clear debts so they can start a new life with you. 

Other common requests might be money to cover their phone bill or buy a new cell phone or laptop to stay in touch with you. Sometimes, they’ll ask for a “loan,” but they have no intention of paying it back. While these are some of the more common tactics, a scammer can adjust their story to tug at your heartstrings in any way that feels personal and urgent.

Extortion 

In some cases, romance scammers resort to extortion. They might threaten to share on social media some explicit photos or personal information their victims have sent them. Once the victim agrees to send money, the scammer will often request payment via cryptocurrency or wire transfer — two payment methods that are often irreversible and untraceable once initiated. If someone asks for funds using these methods, they are likely trying to scam the sender.

The Scammer Wants Contact Outside of the App/Site

Dating sites and apps have built-in security measures, including monitoring chats and enforcing guidelines that help detect and ban potential scammers. To avoid these roadblocks, scammers frequently push to move the conversation off the platform as soon as possible. They may suggest switching to text messaging, email or popular messaging apps, saying that they have issues with app notifications or prefer a more personal way to connect.

By moving the conversation off the app, scammers have more opportunities to send links, make demands or request personal information. If someone you’ve just met on a dating platform seems eager to switch to an unmonitored form of communication, it’s wise to be cautious. 

Meeting in Person and Backing Out Last Minute

A sure sign of a romance scam is repeatedly planning to meet in person, only to have the "romantic partner" cancel at the last minute. Scammers know that maintaining an online relationship without ever meeting in person will eventually raise suspicions, so they’ll schedule a meetup to keep the illusion alive. However, as the date approaches, they’ll invent a sudden, unavoidable emergency—such as a family crisis, a business obligation, or a medical issue—that prevents them from following through.

This strategy serves two purposes. First, it buys the scammer more time to continue manipulating their victims, prolonging the online relationship and increasing emotional investment. Second, it creates an opportunity to ask for financial assistance, as they might claim they need funds to handle the emergency or to reschedule the trip. Each time a meeting falls through, they may even express disappointment and guilt, deepening the emotional connection and making future excuses seem more believable.

If someone repeatedly cancels plans to meet in person due to “emergencies,” it’s likely a sign of a scam. 

 

How to Help Avoid Romance Scams

Romance scams can be both financially and emotionally damaging. Here are some ways to help keep your heart and your wallet safe while participating in online relationships.

Take Things Slow

One of the best ways to avoid a romance scam is to take things slow. Be wary of anyone who expresses strong emotions too quickly or seems to move the relationship forward at an unusually fast pace. 

Give yourself time to get to know the person thoroughly. Ask questions, observe how they respond and pay attention to any inconsistencies in their stories. If someone is genuine, they’ll respect the pace that you’re comfortable with and won’t pressure you into making premature commitments or decisions.

Verify the Other Party's Identity  

Before getting too involved with an online love interest, verify the person’s identity with a video call directly on the app. Most dating platforms now offer video and voice calls without sharing personal phone numbers or email addresses. Scammers typically avoid face-to-face interactions because they are not who they appear to be, so insisting on seeing them on camera in the app can unmask a fake profile early on.

Speak With Family and Friends  

When you meet someone online, talk to someone you trust about them. Trusted friends or family members can give you fresh perspectives and help you spot red flags you might miss in the heat of the moment. Sometimes, others can recognize patterns or inconsistencies that are easy to overlook when you’re emotionally involved.

Research Your Date 

If you met online, try to find your date on other social media platforms to confirm they’re authentic. Compare their social media presence with their dating profile to check for inconsistencies. Real profiles will have a history of posts, photos and interactions, while fake profiles may lack those details or seem too polished. 

You can also conduct a reverse image search on their profile pictures to see if those images are used elsewhere online. This is an easy way to catch fake profiles using stolen photos.

Protect Your Financial & Personal Information 

Never share sensitive details like your home address, workplace, family information or any financial details with someone you've just met online. Avoid sending money under any circumstances, even if the person you are speaking to says they need it for an emergency.

Trust Your Intuition. 

If something feels off in the relationship—such as requests for money or emotional manipulation—trust your instincts and say no. Scammers prey on emotions and vulnerabilities, so it’s important to listen to any doubts you may have. If you run into a suspicious or fake profile, report it directly on the platform. Not only will this protect you, but it will protect others from falling victim to the scammer as well.  

 

How to Report a Romance Scam

If you or someone you know has been targeted by a romance scam, take immediate action. First, cut off all contact with the scammer. If you’ve sent money to a scammer with a credit or debit card, wire transfer, cryptocurrency or gift card, contact your bank or payment provider right away to see if any funds can be recovered. 

You can also file a report with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) at reportfraud.ftc.gov and with the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) to assist with further investigations. Taking the time to make a report helps reduce the incidence of fraud and the likelihood that others will become victims.

If you're a City National Bank client and suspect you've been a victim of a romance scam, visit our fraud page to report in the incident.